The Fakest Romance Novel You’ll Ever Read

I recently read The Actor and the Housewife, by Shannon Hale, and it’s kind of hilarious. Not usually when it’s intended to be, but still, I had plenty of giggles.

actor and housewife

When I read the blurb on the inside cover, I immediately thought to myself: Hm, this sounds like at least half of the stories on Wattpad. I was right. This is the story of a plain, overweight Mormon housewife who keeps coincidentally crossing paths with the hunkiest hunky-hunk Hollywood hearthrob, and then they become BFFs!

In my mind, he looks like this. Particularly since his initials are F.C. and he's British. #ontoyouHale

In my mind, he looks like this. Particularly since his initials are F.C. and he’s British. #ontoyouHale

She ends up writing a rom-com (oh, yeah, she’s a screenwriter when she, you know, is bored b/c the kids aren’t around wrecking the house), which sells, and then she stars in it with her BFF Felix.

You guys, I'm not even joking.

You guys, I’m not even joking.

They both go through a tough time, and then Felix’s wife leaves him and Becky’s husband dies (remind you of another novel I’ve reviewed?), and then, THEN, Becky’s oldest child Fiona explains that God introduced Felix into Becky’s life so she could still get laid when God decided to rip the love of her life out of her life prematurely:

What if God knew that? What if he arranged for you and Felix to meet all those years ago, so that you’d be best friends, so that he’d be here for you after Dad’s death, and its be too late for you to shut him out? So that you could have someone to be with now, so that you could keep feeling lovedso that you don’t have to be lonely. I think that’s something God would do.

Hale, Shannon. The Actor and the Housewife. New York: Bloomsbury, 2009. 307 [emphasis added]

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHA *giggle* *snort* *chortle* Why don’t you recommend mom get a bikini wax while you’re at it, Fiona? I bet Felix isn’t used to hair down there.

bikini wax interesting

The grammar and writing is generally a tad better than the majority of what you see on Wattpad, although the ending is either going to cause you to feel relieved or disappointed, depending on the kind of reader you are.

reader

I recommend this if you’re looking for a frothy beach read. It’s enjoyable enough. You might want to get it from the library, or via cheap e-book deal if that’s available, because I don’t know if you’re likely to want to read it again.

Try not to incur library fees; it's not really worth it.

Try not to incur library fees; it’s not really worth it.

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One thought on “The Fakest Romance Novel You’ll Ever Read

  1. Pingback: Quotes | The Meandering Musings of a Media-Consuming Mom

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