Craig’s List Capture: PDA

Craig's List

I have never heard such a romantic tale. Jane Austen and Emily Bronte could take a lesson from you – the eloquent, tactful 19-year-old.

I am particularly impressed by your use of punctuation and lack of capitalization – I have been doing it all wrong. Do you give writing lessons?

Let Down My Hair

Do you have any idea how heavy it is

to help someone into your room

by climbing up something

attached to your head?

It’s pretty



The witch said it was my

punishment –

that children must always pay

for the sins of their parents.

The prince said

it was a part of my

penance –

though, in my defense,

the witch has a very low voice,

the prince, a very high one.

I did not fully understand

the rest of the penance

the prince forced

me to endure


my clothes became too tight,

my balance became wobbly,

and the feet began to kick me from within.

I cut my hair

close to my head

with scissors

before remembering

that witches can fly.

Not knowing what else to do,

I jumped from the window,

figuring the fall

would either free

the babe nestled within me

or kill us both.

Farleigh Castle Tower

She has the bluest eyes –

bluer than the sky –

blonde fuzz

covering a round head

and the greediest mouth

sucking in sustenance

quicker than I can replenish it.

I am tempted

to keep her hair

shorn short,

like mine,

which will never be long again.

Put her in breeches

instead of skirts,

teach her to use a sword

instead of sew,

and let her pave her own way

rather than locking her

in a tower.


when the prince comes,

it is not for rescue.


the prince is worse.

I do not love her as I should.

Help Write a Novel

Sounds like so much fun! e-mail to add at least a sentence to a novel.

Alice will write a sentence, e-mail the sentence to someone at random. That writer writes the next sentence, which is e-mailed back to Alice.

It could be a mess; it could be amazing — but I definitely think it is a fun idea worth exploring.

Check out Alice’s blog post below, then e-mail her today:

An idea was born.

We can all write a sentence! w00t

We can all write a sentence! w00t

Writing Comp. to Check Out

Beth’s Brilliant Books is running a short story competition.

It can only be up to 500 words, and must make her laugh.

I think writing contests are awesome. They give you a deadline to work towards, some type of guidelines to abide by, and generally have kick-ass prizes to encourage you to write well so you can win!

Click on the link below for more info if you’re interested:


Let your saucy side show in a piece of witty, humorous writing

Let your saucy side show in a piece of witty, humorous writing

I Just Watched “Elizabethtown.” It was a mistake.

Here are some of the reasons why:

  • Orlando Bloom tries to kill himself because he’s a failed shoe designer. No, really.
They're killers.

They’re killers.

  • Orlando Bloom designs & MacGuyvers together a bike machine & kitchen knife suicide machine. Because he can’t just overdose on sleeping pills, like normal people.
Suicide - Hollywood style

Suicide – Hollywood style

  • The Bloomster is upset that Jessica Biel broke up with him.
I'm sorry I'm not more sorry your relationship with this boring chick ended.

I’m sorry I’m not more sorry your relationship with this boring chick ended.

  • Kirsten Dunst has a southern accent. But worse, she totally stalks the protagonist, who is so shellshocked by his own failures & his father’s death that he is comforted by her constant, creepy presence & sleeps with her (thereby cementing his own death… she’s obviously obsessive & homicidal).
She's stalking/watching you...

She’s stalking/watching you…

  • Paula Deen. You’ve seen this woman’s smile, right? That soulless smile, in & of itself, is more conducive to a horror film. Then, there’s her constant presence in the kitchen, where she is no doubt slowly killing her faux family with diabetes-inducing dishes. (It’s totes okay, though, guys – she’s going to make a killing later advertising diabetic medication.)
deen smile

That creepy smile…

  • It contains the longest memorial service, ever, which everyone enjoys (even the spastic little kids).
Yeah. Right.

Yeah. Right.

  • The ending is almost good, until it’s ruined by kindling a romance instead of the homicide forecasted earlier…
Admit it - this totes would have made a better ending.

Admit it – this totes would have made a better ending.

That’s all I have the energy to mock right now; feel free to add to my list in the comments!

Craig’s List Capture: Jail Tends to Make the Hormones Rage


First of all, if you want to pick up a chick, you probably shouldn’t mention her father in your pick-up line. Particularly if her father was recently incarcerated.

Secondly, am I the only one who envisions this encounter as having been extremely awkward and uncomfortable for the woman he’s hitting on? Somehow, I don’t imagine he was Holmes-esque in noticing the lack of wedding ring. I picture him staring at her hands, and analyzing her face with an “I Farted” face as he tries to be sneaky in analyzing if he stands a chance.

My guess, however, is that he doesn’t.

Craig’s List Capture: ‘Cause Old Guys Can Be Skeevy, Too

Craig's List Capture: 'Cause Old Guys Can Be Skeevy, Too

You have to admire this man’s literary prowess. With phrases such as “I said ‘Hi’ or…something…,” the rest of us should obviously stop writing on our blogs right now, because we simply cannot compare with his craftsmanship.

I also love how he’s posting on the Missed Connections site to a woman who made such a poor impression, he can’t even remember her name.

Good luck, anonymous Craig’s List poster. If this ad gets you laid, my faith in humanity might officially die.