Here are some choice quotes from the recently read The Actor and the Housewife, which was not my favorite novel, but had its’ moments:
Becky felt a stitch of jealousy – Melissa looked cool with torn clothing and wild hair, while Becky would have resembled a Care Bear beaten and left for dead.
Hale, Shannon. The Actor and the Housewife. New York: Bloomsbury, 2009. 30
We’ve all been there.
The lady stared. ‘Um, I’ve only been working here for a couple of weeks and I have no idea how to respond to that. Would you please pretend that I replied appropriately? Great. Here are your room keys.
Hale, Shannon. The Actor and the Housewife. New York: Bloomsbury, 2009. 273.
In general, the lines that were obviously supposed to be funny from The Actor and the Housewife weren’t, but these two made me giggle.
I recently read The Actor and the Housewife, by Shannon Hale, and it’s kind of hilarious. Not usually when it’s intended to be, but still, I had plenty of giggles.
When I read the blurb on the inside cover, I immediately thought to myself: Hm, this sounds like at least half of the stories on Wattpad. I was right. This is the story of a plain, overweight Mormon housewife who keeps coincidentally crossing paths with the hunkiest hunky-hunk Hollywood hearthrob, and then they become BFFs!
She ends up writing a rom-com (oh, yeah, she’s a screenwriter when she, you know, is bored b/c the kids aren’t around wrecking the house), which sells, and then she stars in it with her BFF Felix.
They both go through a tough time, and then Felix’s wife leaves him and Becky’s husband dies (remind you of another novel I’ve reviewed?), and then, THEN, Becky’s oldest child Fiona explains that God introduced Felix into Becky’s life so she could still get laid when God decided to rip the love of her life out of her life prematurely:
What if God knew that? What if he arranged for you and Felix to meet all those years ago, so that you’d be best friends, so that he’d be here for you after Dad’s death, and its be too late for you to shut him out? So that you could have someone to be with now, so that you could keep feeling loved, so that you don’t have to be lonely. I think that’s something God would do.
Hale, Shannon. The Actor and the Housewife. New York: Bloomsbury, 2009. 307 [emphasis added]
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHA *giggle* *snort* *chortle* Why don’t you recommend mom get a bikini wax while you’re at it, Fiona? I bet Felix isn’t used to hair down there.
The grammar and writing is generally a tad better than the majority of what you see on Wattpad, although the ending is either going to cause you to feel relieved or disappointed, depending on the kind of reader you are.
I recommend this if you’re looking for a frothy beach read. It’s enjoyable enough. You might want to get it from the library, or via cheap e-book deal if that’s available, because I don’t know if you’re likely to want to read it again.
DUDE. You are SO fucking ANGRY that this CHICK doesn’t want to SCREW you. ALSO you use a LOT of capslock. Like, a lot.
This thing is all over the place. BUT I feel like it could be FUN to see the conversation that PROMPTed this post. If writing ABOUT that interaction TICKLES your fancy, please post a link in the comments below!
RANDOM CAPS LOCK ‘CAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT?!
- Has a wife
- Seems to think someone who works in retail smiling at him is a special sign of potential affection
- Oh, my bad. She also sometimes says “Good morning.” Yep, that sounds like a woman who’s desperate to have sex with you.
- Ends his listing with a question that is so, so skeevy.
This doesn’t sound like an asshole who harasses women and wants to (but probably can’t) cheat on his wife. Nope, not at all. #sarcasmintended